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At the source of our
desire to follow and serve Christ we find the awareness of our
radical disorder, a chronic illness that will never be cured. A
hopeless condition but for God's grace. Like the alcoholic who
knows his true predicament, and calls himself "a recovering
alcoholic" even when he has successfully controlled his addiction
for many years.
Thus we discover under
the light of God's VOCATION TO LOVE the wound of selfishness and
the impotence to love like God loves. This selfishness appears in
our lives very clearly, even when we have not committed mortal
sins, and threatens even our more generous ideals. But we put our
faith and hope in Christ, who gives us His Spirit and teaches us
how to love. This experience of weakness and gratitude is the
source of great compassion towards our neighbours and of generous
and patient service of those who need Christ most.
Yearly retreats,
always inspired by the themes and graces of the First week might
seem negative, "sin" centered. They should not be so. The First
week is very positive. It is centered on God's vocation addressed
to each one of us. A vocation to love like only God knows how to
love, to be glorified with God's own glory. God's project for each
one of us is an invitation to be transformed by His glorious,
loving Spirit. But St. Ignatius knows that our heart opens its
doors to God's glory and love not by reaching out a high degree of
perfection but by becoming aware of our own weakness and
surrendering our hearts to Him. As we grow spiritually we become
more humble, we feel greater respect towards others and wish to
serve them more.
Based upon this
foundation we can pray for the graces of the second week. We will
avoid the danger of becoming dreamers, fanatics or spiritually
proud. Following Christ and doing great things for Him will not be
a romantic enterprise.
Therefore, the graces
of the First week will make us more human, at peace with ourselves
and hopeful towards the world in which we live. The lst. week is
based on our contacts with real life, where we discover who we
are. This understanding takes time. It is not rare to see young
people, committed to follow Christ, making good retreats, take
four or five years to obtain the graces of the First week. This
doesn't mean that they cannot make retreats of five or eight days
with great profit. The same Gospel passages will have a different
meaning for somebody still struggling with graces of the First
week and for somebody ready for the graces of the Second week. For
instance, the dialogue: "Who they say I am?, Who do YOU say I am?"
(Mt 16,13) in the First week invites the retreatant to pray on the
basic relationship between him, more or less aware of his
sinfulness and Christ, whom he knows little. It is a dialogue
between a patient and his doctor: "Lord, do you want to heal me?"
While in the Second week this is a dialogue between two friends
who have many memories in common, and are asking each other how
this friendship is growing stronger than any other ideal, need or
aspiration.
The contemplation of
Christ during his Passion, nailed on the cross, in the First week
will mean The Father's love for me, sinner, Who sends His Son to
suffer and die so that I might not suffer and die. Christ comes to
save me, doesn't look down one me, doesn't give up on me. Christ
knows and loves me before I ever knew and loved Him! Christ on the
cross is the living proof of God's love. He is my hope in God, my
hope in my own value and destiny. While in the Third week I
contemplate Christ in His Passion and discover His inner peace,
love and glory. In the suffering Christ I discover His inner
freedom, the glory of Redemption and how can the Kingdom of God be
present in our hearts right now, in the middle of evil and
darkness. We understand that when we follow Christ nobody can take
away from our hearts His love and grace.
We cannot assimilate
the graces of the Second week as long as we do not know ourselves,
our sinfulness, and our need to be redeemed by Christ.
This is the maturity
we wish for ourselves and for those who make the Exercises: a
maturity in age and a spiritual maturity. The maturity of letting
Christ educate us, year after year, in the solitude of the retreat
as well as in the events of daily life and apostolic projects.
SUMMARY.- How do we
know a person has assimilated the graces of the lst. week and is
ready for the Second and Third weeks? When we are capable to face
reality, know our deep feelings, can accept success and honour
without been seduced by them. When we can fail and be criticized
without becoming depressed. When we can face and control our
emotions, sexuality and deep passions. When we know the danger of
seduction, the power of money or the demands of professional
competition. When we know how we react to conflicts and tension.
When we are aware of the hidden needs and aspirations that
motivate the enthusiasm of our commitment or the temptations which
might paralyse us. When we are aware that in our love story with
Christ, throughout our lives, there is a never ending need for
conversion.
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