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GOD IS LOVE
Through the
Scriptures, reading the First Principle and Foundation, written by St.
Ignatius Loyola, and in praying via the Lectio Divina, I have come to
realize God’s love for me. Upon this realization, I have been
motivated to love God in return by loving all the gifts I have been
given, all things created; for God is love and He is the center of my
life.
Listen to Him
[Mt 17:5]
During the
Mustard Seeds Silent Retreat, I dedicated the weekend to only one
relationship...and the one between God and me. At the altar of
thanksgiving during the opening ceremony, I entrusted God and left all
of my problems, all of my family, friends, and loved ones in His hands
so I could be silent with myself, internally and externally. By being
silent, I listened; and in turn, I heard great things.
My son, you
are here with me always; everything I have is yours. [Lk 15:31]
For the past few
months, if not years, I have been resentful. Like the older brother
in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, I felt unloved, underappreciated,
and, worst of all, lacking in ability, specifically the ability to
love and be loved. Why do I always have to do the dishes, while my
sister does nothing, yet she receives all the praise and rewards? I
resented the thought that all of the work I had put into pleasing
others had gone unnoticed. So I took it out on my mom, my sister, and
my closest friend...God. I blamed them; I blamed God.
Everything I have is yours.
In my silence, I
heard that God loves me greatly and that everything around me was
given to me as a gift from God: my loved ones, the pets I adore, the
air that I breathe?all these were mine to have. All the things around
me are my constant rewards! I do not need trophies, plaques, or
showers of compliments proclaiming my supposed greatness to feel
loved. I need not compare my rewards with those around me. I have my
reward: God’s Love and the gift of family, friends, and the luxury of
having shelter and food to eat.
But if any of
these gifts becomes the center of our lives, they displace God.
[St. Ignatius]
I treasure the
gifts that I have been given. I love them, and sometimes, I want more
and more. More rewards, Lord, more! I’ve been focusing on the
trivial things (getting good grades, going to work, pleasing my
mother, etc) when my real focus should be on God himself. God is my
center, and I must re-center myself so that He remains so in my life,
everyday.
We appreciate
and use all these gifts of God insofar as they help us develop as
loving persons. [St. Ignatius]
I admit it. I
have been so wrapped up in my anger and resentment that I have
forgotten what it means to love. My mom and sister, my friends, even
the father that I do not see anymore, have all felt their share of my
anger. Upon reading the First Principle and Foundation written by St.
Ignatius, I realized that these people are my gifts. Yet, I have not
loved them and have not used them to be instruments of my love, of
God’s love. Why did I find it so difficult to love and express love?
Why have I not been able to embrace God, the giver of these gifts?
I realize that I
have not been in love with the greatest gift He has given me: myself.
Every time I look in the mirror, I turn away in disgust. I have
insulted God, for I was made in the image of God. I allowed myself,
God’s greatest gift to me, to be criticized by myself and by others.
I failed to embrace the imperfections that were given to me. Hence, I
have not yet loved God and am incapable of loving all the other gifts
I’ve been given, aforementioned. I have not appreciated myself and
these gifts. I have not let these gifts help me develop into a loving
person.
Jesus told him, “Go your way; your faith has saved you. Immediately,
he received his sight and followed Him on the way.”
[Mk 10:52]
I found the
motivation to love myself and all of my imperfections. While finding
love in God and in myself, I found the need to express this love to
all things created. My mom, my sister, my dad (when the opportunity
arrives), all my friends, and, of course, my pets: Simba (cat), and
Sashimi (fish), since God created them. I feel that I have been
neglecting all relationships with these persons and that I have not
expressed enough love to those who love me, especially the ones who
love me for who I am.
Aside from that,
I also found the motivation to be opened to loving those who do not
love me yet. I realized that my post-high school experience has been
uneventful. I am not involved in my community like I used to be. I
miss that. So my first steps are to love the strangers in my community
and meanwhile, do what I love to do. For instance, joining Pet
Pro-life is something I’ve wanted to do but have been too lazy to
join. Also, I would like to dedicate a few hours to CHOC hospital,
and filling a position in one of the 30 departments while caring for
kids.
Bartimaeus amazed
me with his courage. He, who was once blind, got what he wanted from
Jesus (his eyesight) and was told to go his way. Yet instead of going
HIS way, he chose to go GOD’S way. Like Bartimaeus, I would like my
faith to save me and to lead me in choosing God’s way. And God’s way
is the way of love.
We have come to know and believe in the love God has for us. God
is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in Him.
[1 Jn 4:16]
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