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Dear God,
I ran into my
friend at school one day. She asked me: “how are you?” and of course
I told her I was fine. I wonder why I gave her that answer. I guess
it was an automatic response. I mean, what are you supposed to say
when people ask you things like that? You don’t ever say: “Well I’m
not okay. I feel sick”. I guess in a way, I did what everyone else
would do, give an answer I knew she was expecting.
But you know
God, deep down inside, I really wanted to tell her, “Hey, I am not
okay! It has been a lousy day. Can I please have a hug?” I guess
when you’re sick physically, everyone can see that you’re not okay,
and you can’t really lie about being ill. However when you’re sick
inside, it’s very difficult for others to see your wounds. You can
always hide behind a smile, as I have done for so long.
And no one
would ever know that you’re just faking it. God, how do I tell my
loved ones when I hurt inside? How do I tell them that my heart is
breaking?
I ran into my
friend again the other day. She stopped and looked at me. “Are you
okay?” She asked me. “Yes, I’m fine”. I told her. Without saying
anything, she came over and gave a hug. Suddenly, all the pain
buried inside of me broke loose and I burst into tears. She held me
like a wounded child in her arms. God, I look back now and realize
that it was you who held me in your arms. It was you who saw my
wounds and came to care for me. Your love gave me strength to carry
on. Now with you by my side, and watching out for me, I think I’m
going to be okay. You know what God, if I were to see my friend
today, and if she asked me how I am, I can truthfully say: “I’m
fine!” And if I don’t feel so good, l’m not going to be afraid to
ask her for a hug. I’m not going to be afraid to ask you for a hug
either.
Love,
Me
NTT (San Diego)
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