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Part 2 - My First
Experience With Love
When I hear the
words “Come and See,” I
vividly remember my first experience with love. Although it has been
almost five years, I can still sit back, close my eyes, and let the
emotions escape and overwhelm me all over again. I recall the
friendships, the games, the skits, the stories shared, the tears shed,
and most strongly, I remember being touched by a mysterious and
powerful presence.
At 16, I
preferred to spend my weekend doing anything but going to a retreat
who might become my friends during this retreat. The “Sugar Friends”
(bạn đường) succeeded in breaking the ice through their amusing and
carefree games. At least, they managed to get us to smile at one
another, which sprouted hope that this retreat might actually be fun
after all.
We were divided
into ‘families’ with whom we could spend more time sharing, discussing
and working to make this retreat fruitful. Complete strangers we were
on day 1, a family we became on day 3.
Cha Hung was
unlike other priests I met thus far. Cha spoke to us in a language we
could understand. He shared our vision and understood our skepticism,
our fears, and our adolescent ideals. He allowed us to express these
through the skits we performed illustrating the joys, the sorrows, and
especially, the conflicts often encountered at home. After discussing
these issues, bridges started to connect the generation gap. Alas, we
understood more our parents� perspectives. Simultaneously, we
realized that much could be done on our parts to minimize the friction
of the push-pull relationships we had with our families. All
seriousness aside, the skits revealed the hidden talents and humor
bestowed upon many of us. There was a crystal ringing of laughter in
the air.
We broke into our
families to discuss our relationship with God. I had never reflected
seriously about where God fits into my life. Religion had always been
important to my family, but I could not truly understand how, why, or
in what form God had fit into my own life. For the first time, I
prayed to God in my own words. I asked Him to make His presence known
to me, to allow me to feel His love. Then, as if He heard my prayers,
I felt “it.” I felt overcome with emotion and joy. For no apparent
reason, I was at a loss for words, trying to hold back tears when my
turn to speak came. I couldn’t hold it, so I cried and I cried, tears
of profound emotion from the depth of my heart kept pouring out. When
asked, I could not explain the flood of tears, but I knew that this
was God’s way of reaching out to me. I just knew it. Never could I
nor will I forget the multitude of emotions that captured me that very
moment.
The overwhelming
cascade of emotions did not end there. With the Blessed Sacrament of
Reconciliation, I found a new person in me. I felt rejuvenated,
enlightened, and ready to serve the world. I felt as though I
possessed a new heart and a new soul, dedicated to the God I never
knew I loved; to the God I never knew why I loved.
The letter that
followed could not have come at a better time. Never before had my
parents expressed to me in writing the love, pride, and joy they felt
for me. At 16, what the world thought of me was vital to my
existence; so much that I became entangled in it and therefore, failed
to realize the importance of my parents’ opinion. I realized then
that I had made a lot of mistakes. I had done a great deal, and at
the same time, had not done enough. I had failed to appreciate my
parents and had often taken them for granted. For the first time in
my life, I wrote a letter to my parents. I shared with them my
gratitude, my apologies, and my hopes for an ameliorated relationship
with them. For the first time, despite their physical absence, I felt
an indescribable closeness and an unbreakable bond with them. It is a
feeling I cherish and keep with me to this very day.
Sharing my
emotions to a group of strangers was something I never thought I can
do. This time, however, they were not strangers. They - Cha Hùng,
the group leaders, and my fellow retreatants - were special
individuals with whom I shared a significant part of me. Somehow,
three days was enough for me to feel comfortable, to share, and to
trust. Through and with these individuals, some of the most precious
and intimate details of our lives became known. Tears were shed and a
tremendous weight was lifted off of many shoulders, facilitated simply
by the presence of God.
As all good
things must come to an end, so did this Come and See retreat. Perhaps
the most memorable three days of my entire life were spent that
weekend. The result became a beginning - a new chance to develop
intimate relationships with my family, myself, and God. The special
friendships formed during the short three days were best represented
at the closing mass. When prompted to share with one another a sign
of peace, a simple handshake did not suffice; instead, we exchanged
warm and tearful embraces, representing the mutual bonds we formed
that weekend. Simple yet enough to show we had touched or been
touched during the past three days and no one wanted to leave or to
forget that moment.
Going home that
night, I prayed that the joy, the emotions, the friendships, and the
fond memories of that weekend would illuminate in my heart forever,
that the light now lit, would not dim. There was a noticeable
difference between my parents and me - a new-found understanding of
them, and appreciation for their efforts and their worries.
Most importantly,
God had become a priority in my life. I had found importance in an
intimate relationship with Him. I could now share with Him my hopes,
my dreams, my fears, and my inadequacies. I could pray to Him and
know that He was listening. As a result of my Come and See
experience, in God, I had found a new friend and confidante.
Finally, Come and
See helped me find myself � to open my heart to those around me. It
was through their eyes and their hearts that I found the courage to
open mine. Only after daring to open up and to share my deepest
emotions was I able to find God residing inside of me. The power of
Come and See was not simply that I came and I saw. I saw much more
than I anticipated. I came, I saw, I felt, and I realized. I
realized that God is indeed everywhere; He is in the wind, in the
rain, and right beside the rainbow. Most importantly, He resides deep
inside the hearts of those around me and deep inside my own heart.
All it took was a heart willing to be touched and the power of God’s
love to help me realize it.
Toronto, Canada
Toronta, Canada
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